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Relief from Social Anxiety Program

Module 1: Welcome and walk-through

Module 2: Fear of what others think of you

Emotional Freedom Technique therapy for fear of what others think of you

Emotional Freedom Technique for fear of what others think

What will people think?

This all pervasive question can be seen as “social etiquette” at its best, and “social anxiety” at its worst.

Caring for how your actions affect others is not only normal, but desired. Sometimes this care starts to play a bigger role than it is healthy. That can be a huge detriment to your social growth.

You could be preoccupied with what impression you left on someone. Thoughts about what they must think of you may remain with you long after the person has left. At other times, it could be a general worry over what people around you think of you.

It could be about what people think of your looks, your weight, your dressing sense, your financial situation, your social status, your reputation at work, and so on.

Even if you don’t think that you are a person who really minds what others think of you, some tapping around it will bring up and clear out any undiscovered blocks, helping you to be truly carefree.

You could also tap through the following script just before attending a social event or a meeting with people who make your nervous.

Tip: While tapping through this script, focus on any person or group of people whose opinion of you matters more than it needs to. Even better if you can focus on any specific incident where you were worried about how you were being perceived by those around you. If nothing else, just tap along to the script and see what rises up. You may be surprised by what really goes on in the mind.

EFT tapping set up

Karate chop

Even though I measure my importance by how much and how many people like me, I’m willing to learn new ways to be myself without obsessing about what others think of me.

Even though I’m afraid of being singled out, this fear was acquired when I was very young, I’m now understanding that it actually restricts my true expression and expansion.

Even though my ways have become quite limited because of my fear of what people might think, I’m open to striking a good balance between my degree of freedom and my parameters for social acceptance.

EFT tapping round 1

Eyebrow    I care about what others think of me.

Side of the eye    And why shouldn’t I care?

Under the eye    My place in the world is decided by how people look at me.

Under the nose    People build their opinion of me by the way

Chin    I look, the way I dress, the way I relate to them.

Collar bone    And if there is something that I’m doing wrong,

Under the arm    I need to be aware of it.

Top of the head    That’s why I need to worry about what people think.

EFT tapping round 2

Eyebrow    And that’s fair enough in my book.

Side of the eye    But sometimes I get preoccupied with this idea.

Under the eye    Sometimes I become too cautious about how I come across.

Under the nose    This awareness was instilled long ago

Chin    when I was carefree, when it didn’t matter.

Collar bone    Then it was taught to me that it DID matter, it mattered a lot.

Under the arm    Much more than I thought I needed to care.

Top of the head    And now, this restricts many dimensions of my life.

EFT tapping round 3

Eyebrow    So many doors have closed, simply because of my fear:

Side of the eye    what will people think?

Under the eye    I want to live my passion, but what will people think?

Under the nose    I want to do the things I like, but what will people think?

Chin    I fear people will not support me when I’m my real self.

Collar bone    I fear people will shun me when I present my true self.

Under the arm    There’s so much gossip, so much judgment floating around.

Top of the head    I don’t want to be the target of anyone’s snarky remarks.

EFT tapping round 4

Eyebrow    I don’t want to be laughed at behind my back.

Side of the eye    I don’t want to be caught making a fool of myself.

Under the eye    I run conversations in my mind long after they are over,

Under the nose    just to double check I didn’t say anything people would mind.

Chin    This social anxiety actually hampers my style.

Collar bone    What if I could be aware instead of anxious?

Under the arm    What if I could find it surprisingly easy to be myself

Top of the head    in social situations, and even enjoy them?

EFT tapping round 5

Eyebrow    What if I could be surprisingly comfortable

Side of the eye    blending my unique personality with social grace?

Under the eye    What if I could be at ease while talking to people

Under the nose    without fearing what they might be thinking of me?

Chin    While there may be people who thrive on pulling others down,

Collar bone    I now choose to find it surprisingly easy

Under the arm    to navigate my way past them.

Top of the head    There will always be people who will judge,

EFT tapping round 6

Eyebrow    but I choose to remember that it is almost always

Side of the eye    not personal – they feel the need to behave that way.

Under the eye    It is about them, not about me.

Under the nose    I’m releasing this need to justify my actions constantly.

Chin    I’m releasing this need to be defensive.

Collar bone    Being defensive immediately shuts all doors

Under the arm    to anything useful I may find in what others say.

Top of the head    I choose to find it surprisingly easy to put my best out there

EFT tapping round 7

Eyebrow    without obsessing over what people think of me.

Side of the eye    This doesn’t mean I start treating people badly.

Under the eye    I choose to be sympathetic and kind, both to myself and others.

Under the nose    And who knows, people may be pleasantly surprised

Chin    to see the new, relaxed me.

Collar bone    And that will help them feel relaxed around me too.

Under the arm    That’s a win-win I could use!

Top of the head    I am now calm and confident.

Module 3: Feelings of insecurity in social settings

EFT tapping script inferiority insecurity not good enough

EFT tapping script for when you feel insecure being amidst people

What is it about being exposed to others that brings out our hidden insecurities and feelings of not being good enough?

When you are by yourself, you may think that you are pretty good, but as soon there is someone else in the equation, your confidence shakes. This insecurity can arise in relationships, friendships, between colleagues and whenever you are amidst a bunch of people.

You cannot pacify these feelings of inferiority by simply accumulating stuff or longing for what others have. You have to first start to feel good in your own skin. Yes, easier said than done.

You have many great ideas in the comfort of your own home, but when you get out there, you suddenly start to feel inadequate. You may be able to visualize images of success, but when it is show time, you start to feel like you’re not all that good.

Everybody feels this fear of not being good enough – it is one of the deepest, most fundamental fears that we as human beings experience.

It can cause you to be arrogant because of the frustration of not feeling good enough in comparison. It can cause you to come across as stand-offish because you are tightening up in order to protect your terrain from these “more talented” people around you.

So someone can be a wonderful person in-vitro, but can come across as completely insecure in natural settings.

When you feel insecure in the presence of others:

  1. You don’t feel confident and pulled together.
  2. Your are constantly comparing and belittling yourself even if silently.
  3. Anyone who is potentially more talented than you feels like a threat.
  4. You feel defensive and act with unnecessary caution.
  5. You are easily swayed by others’ opinions.
  6. You find it hard to stand up for your values.
  7. You may feel arrogant in order to ‘protect your turf’.

This tapping script will help you to remain calm and feel non-threatened when in the company of others.

Tap along to the script while remembering a specific incident where you felt decidedly insecure interacting with someone or a bunch of people. Repeat the tapping with other such incidents in mind. Notice yourself the next time you are around people who bring out insecurity in you. If you still sense some leftover charge, come back and tap some more to clear it.

EFT tapping set up

Karate chop

Even though I secretly feel inferior when I am among people, even when I am trying to put up a confident face, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Even though I am afraid to bring out my best when I am among people, and someone always seems better than me, I acknowledge my feeling this way. I am open to learning new ways of carrying myself so I can feel better and better in the presence of others.

Even though I feel pressured to be perfect in the company of others, I learned this behaviour long ago, what if I could now learn to relax little by little in the presence of others?

Even though what someone else has always seems better to me than my own possessions, I am open to learning how to appreciate more and more of what I have, too.

EFT tapping round 1

Eyebrow    I feel inferior when I am amidst people.

Side of the eye    I feel like I am not good enough compared to others.

Under the eye    Even if I feel confident when I am all by myself,

Under the nose    just being among people shakes my confidence.

Chin    I feel threatened.

Collar bone    I feel insecure.

Under the arm    God forbid they turn out to be truly better than I am in some way.

Top of the head    I feel the pressure to be perfect.

EFT tapping round 2

Eyebrow    I feel the need to put walls around me

Side of the eye    otherwise they will see through my imperfections.

Under the eye    I feel the need to be defensive, so I justify everything.

Under the nose    What others have always seems better than what I have.

Chin    My own talents seem dull in comparison with theirs.

Collar bone    Everything about me makes me conscious.

Under the arm    It’s like suddenly I am not good enough.

Top of the head    All my thoughts become focused on my imperfections.

EFT tapping round 3

Eyebrow    My clothing, my looks, my speech, my manners.

Side of the eye    I am just a different me when I am amidst people.

Under the eye    I am afraid to make a point,

Under the nose    for the fear that someone will call me out on it,

Chin    or challenge me to a mind game which I will lose.

Collar bone    Of course I will lose since I am not using my brain

Under the arm    when I’m in the presence of others.

Top of the head    All my mental power is being used in protecting myself,

EFT tapping round 4

Eyebrow    from what I don’t know.

Side of the eye    It is as if I am surrounded by predators

Under the eye    and I am thinking with my primitive brain.

Under the nose    What if someone insults me?

Chin    That would be a kind of attack, won’t it?

Collar bone    Others look so confident and at ease.

Under the arm    They are not perfect, I can tell.

Top of the head    Even if someone praises me, I feel insecure

EFT tapping round 5

Eyebrow    fearing their good opinion of me will not last.

Side of the eye    I long for the warmth of their company.

Under the eye    And yet feel undeserving of their time and attention.

Under the nose    I want them to feel good talking to me.

Chin    In that process I debase myself to the point of no return.

Collar bone    At the back of my mind I am belittling myself.

Under the arm    I learned early on that life is but a struggle.

Top of the head    As long as I’m running faster than all of them, I will survive.

EFT tapping round 6

Eyebrow    As long I’m stronger than all of them, I will thrive.

Side of the eye    My survival instinct kicks in when I am surrounded by people.

Under the eye    But what if everything is not relative?

Under the nose    What if my advancement does not mean the derailment of another?

Chin    What if it was safe for me to drop my guard, just a little?

Collar bone    What if I could remind myself to relax little by little?

Under the arm    What if I could take baby steps and reach out just a little?

Top of the head    What if I could remember to drop my shoulders

EFT tapping round 7

Eyebrow    and take a deep breath everytime I felt threatened?

Side of the eye    What if I could learn to be a good listener?

Under the eye    What if instead of feeling inferior about what others have,

Under the nose    I could feel inspired to achieve better than that?

Chin    What if I could remember grass always looks greener on the other side?

Collar bone    What if I did not need to have the last word in every conversation?

Under the arm    What if people turned out to be very accepting of me, to my surprise?

Top of the head    What if I could focus on how I can contribute with my unique skills?

EFT tapping round 8

Eyebrow   Instead of comparing myself non-stop?

Side of the eye    What if I could learn to take others’ opinions with a pinch of salt?

Under the eye    What if I could check with my common sense

Under the nose    before forming conclusions about myself?

Chin    What if I could sometimes take things at their face value,

Collar bone    instead of always trying to read in between the lines?

Under the arm    I choose to remember that I am surrounded by people

Top of the head    just like me, not predators ready to pounce. I can relax.

EFT tapping round 9

Eyebrow   Starting now, I choose to loosen up, little by little.

Side of the eye    Everytime I find myself getting caught up in the game,

Under the eye    I choose to step back and silently remind myself

Under the nose    that no matter what, my place in the world is secure.

Chin    I am valuable simply by the virtue of being here.

Collar bone    This is not setting low standards, this is setting me free.

Under the arm    Free from fear, I can relax.

Top of the head    One person or a hundred, I am safe.

Module 4: Anxiety in social settings (party/meeting/reunions)

EFT tapping for social anxiety at a party

EFT tapping for anxiety at a social event, party or meeting

Life is a party. But it can be hard to enjoy if you feel uncomfortable being at a party.

It is not uncommon to feel awkward at social gatherings such as parties, meetings and other social events.

A lot of times it is brushed off as shyness. But for the person going through the discomfort of a social setting, it can be downright torture.

No one needs to tell you if you are not feeling your best at a social event. You know it. And possibly others can sense it as well that you are not very comfortable.

This is one of the ways in which social anxiety manifests itself.

Even if you take pride in calling yourself a nerd who is fashionably uncomfortable in social settings, some tapping on this issue can help you feel wonderfully at ease the next time you are at a party or an office meeting.

Read through the script below and see if it resonates with you. If you experience at least some of the symptoms covered in the script, you stand to gain from tapping through it.

One way to use this script is to look back at a social event you attended, and tune into the uncomfortable feelings while tapping along to this script.

Another way to use this script would be a few days before an upcoming event. Tap on it for a few days leading up to a party, meeting or any other social event you might be planning to attend.

EFT tapping set up

Karate chop

Even though I am distinctly uncomfortable at parties and social gatherings, I know that I’m not the only person in the Universe with this ‘problem’. I am fine just as I am.

Even though I feel inferior comparing myself to others in social situations, these comparisons only make the whole experience worse for me. I am opening up to the idea that I do not need to be the most perfect human being in order to feel accepted in a group. I am okay.

Even though I am afraid that I will act foolishly and embarrass myself in a social setting, I choose to consciously relax so that I can focus on my actions and responses better. And even if I mess up, I choose to accept myself anyway. If I won’t accept myself, who will?

EFT tapping round 1

Eyebrow    I just don’t feel comfortable at social events.

Side of the eye    God forbid I need to attend a party.

Under the eye    What is meant to be a celebration

Under the nose    becomes a source of social torture for me.

Chin    I don’t like being part of a crowd.

Collar bone    I can’t connect to a group of people as a whole.

Under the arm    I’m more comfortable building a rapport one-on-one.

Top of the head    I even dislike the time leading up to such an occasion.

EFT tapping round 2

Eyebrow    And the winding down after the party is over.

Side of the eye    It is a strain on my nerves and my sensitive disposition.

Under the eye    I just want to rush back to my cozy corner and curl up

Under the nose    with a good book and a glass of wine.

Chin   I am just not the effervescent guest who gathers a crowd

Collar bone    around them by being fun and confident.

Under the arm    Sometimes I’m just grinning like a fool,

Top of the head    even when someone says something that hurts.

EFT tapping round 3

Eyebrow    I just don’t have the talent for intelligent repartee.

Side of the eye    I feel obligated to come across as the perfect guest

Under the eye    with cheers and smiles and all the right things to say.

Under the nose    I am afraid I’ll embarrass myself with my clumsy table manners.

Chin   What if I let out a stupid, off-handed remark?

Collar bone    And become a laughing stock?

Under the arm    Worse, be sniggered about behind my back?

Top of the head    Looking at all the people, I feel like I’ve been living under a rock.

EFT tapping round 4

Eyebrow    I hate it on such occasions when some people form a group,

Side of the eye    and talk animatedly, appearing thick as thieves

Under the eye    and I am left idly hanging around the periphery.

Under the nose    I hate having to keep a smile and show like I care.

Chin   And after it is all over, conversations and scenes

Collar bone    run in my mind for days, replaying everything.

Under the arm    Like being there once wasn’t enough.

Top of the head    I feel the pressure to be a smooth talker, smart and posh.

EFT tapping round 5

Eyebrow    As soon as I reach the venue, my confidence dips,

Side of the eye    my shoulders drop and my mouth goes dry.

Under the eye    My face falls, my voice becomes weepy.

Under the nose    And that is before I have uttered a word.

Chin   People look so happy and at ease being there.

Collar bone    I become so nervous I don’t know what to do with my hands.

Under the arm    My logic goes out the window and I can’t remember names.

Top of the head    Even when no one might be judging me, I can’t stop beating myself up.

EFT tapping round 6

Eyebrow    My eyes are darting constantly comparing my dressing,

Side of the eye    my looks, my money with those of others.

Under the eye    Even when I’m making small talk, in the back of my mind I’m afraid

Under the nose    what the other person might be thinking of me.

Chin   For the life of me, I can’t be the life of a party.

Collar bone    Although I sometimes wonder how it would be.

Under the arm    If I were very comfortable being among people.

Top of the head    If I were relaxed and being my true self.

EFT tapping round 7

Eyebrow    If my confidence shone though my eyes.

Side of the eye    And it didn’t matter what others thought of me.

Under the eye    If I could just relish the occasion for what it was.

Under the nose    That way I would certainly enjoy the company of people.

Chin   Yes, there will always be people who thrive

Collar bone    on finding faults and they will target me as well.

Under the arm    There will always be someone who is better off than I am.

Top of the head    And there will be someone smarter, and better looking.

EFT tapping round 8

Eyebrow    Who knows, they might have their own insecurities.

Side of the eye    I choose to measure myself by reasonable standards.

Under the eye    While remembering that others around me

Under the nose    are not Gods and Goddesses swooping down from the heavens.

Chin   I choose to put an end to comparisons too.

Collar bone    From now on, every time I catch myself comparing,

Under the arm    I will consciously bring my attention back to me.

Top of the head    Every time I catch myself shrinking from inferiority,

EFT tapping round 9

Eyebrow    I choose to consciously square my shoulders and breathe deeply.

Side of the eye    By allowing myself to be relaxed, I am being authentic.

Under the eye    And authenticity is highly valued in today’s society

Under the nose    full of people trying to be someone else.

Chin   I choose to view social functions not as a battleground,

Collar bone    but as a playground where I can be myself and

Under the arm    connect with others authentically and confidently.

Top of the head    And if I catch myself sinking into despair,

EFT tapping round 10

Eyebrow    I choose to consciously remind myself that I am okay.

Side of the eye    And if it is all too much, I free myself to walk out gracefully

Under the eye    without trying to morph myself into something I’m not.

Under the nose    I am free to be less than perfect.

Chin   I am free to not be the smartest person in the room.

Collar bone    I am free to not be the richest person in the room.

Under the arm    I am free to walk out if I want to.

Top of the head    And I am free to enjoy the party in my own way.

Module 5: SOS video tap-along to feeling better fast after a nerve-wracking social interaction

This is an SOS tapping script that you can use immediately after you have had a brush with someone or been in a social setting that made you feel nervous or inferior. On such occasions it happens that we keep feeling bad about ourselves even as we are talking to the person. This is an extreme tapping script and uses somewhat strong wording to bring out all the anger and frustration to clear out it eventually.

I have found this tapping to be very effective if used in the heat of the moment, like when you’ve just returned home from being in a setting where you felt inferior and weren’t able to show your best side. It is at such times that you beating yourself up for being nervous or not good enough. You also run conversations in your mind over and over. This tapping clears out all of that and calms you down so that from then onwards you are more relaxed when placed in a similar setting. That reflects in your behaviour and others can sense it too. You can use this script on a need basis till you start to feel completely relaxed and confident.

(There is no set up tapping for this fast track script. We jump right into the tapping here.)

EFT tapping round 1

Eyebrow    What an idiot I was in front of them!

Side of the eye    What a mumbling fool! What pathetic body language!

Under the eye    I must have come across as a total disaster.

Under the nose    No confidence, no smarts, no nothing!

Chin    I’m so much better than that!

Collar bone    I could have said it so much better.

Under the arm    I could have carried myself so much better.

Top of the head    I felt ashamed in every part of me.

EFT tapping round 2

Eyebrow    I felt like I was being judged for every part of me.

Side of the eye    And now this debacle will keep haunting me.

Under the eye    The words I said, the words they said,

Under the nose    what they must have thought of me,

Chin    the whole scene frame by frame.

Collar bone    I’m not even like that normally.

Under the arm    Just being around such people kills my confidence.

Top of the head    I felt so nervous secretly, or maybe it was obvious.

EFT tapping round 3

Eyebrow    It must have been, because I was grinning like a fool.

Side of the eye    They must have thought I am an idiot, good for nothing.

Under the eye    Exactly the opposite of what I want them to think of me.

Under the nose    I felt so inferior, so inadequate in front of them!

Chin    My mind and body failed me. I had no control.

Collar bone    It was like I was just watching me making a fool of myself.

Under the arm    I’m so angry with myself. I should be.

Top of the head    If I am not what they expect me to be,

EFT tapping round 4

Eyebrow    I will miss out on their good favour and opportunities.

Side of the eye    I will never be given priority in their decisions.

Under the eye    I will never be considered an insider, a person they can count on.

Under the nose    I will always feel like an outsider.

Chin    No matter what I do, I just can’t be that confident,

Collar bone    self-assured person they will admire and envy.

Under the arm    They will always look down upon me.

Top of the head    Wait, if there are people who will always look down upon me,

EFT tapping round 5

Eyebrow    or who can’t look past my minor imperfections,

Side of the eye    should I really be caring about what they think of me?

Under the eye    Isn’t that going to be an endless battle trying to win them over?

Under the nose    Who knows, maybe they are very good at hiding their own insecurities.

Chin    Hard  to believe, but at this point, I’ll take it.

Collar bone    What if maybe, just maybe, they’ll be okay knowing the real me?

Under the arm    What if whether or not they become bosom pals with me,

Top of the head    I will still find all the acceptance and opportunities I deserve anyway?

EFT tapping round 6

Eyebrow    And what if it is okay to be nervous or shy?

Side of the eye    In some cultures, it might even be considered cute.

Under the eye    I can live with that.

Under the nose    So now every time I feel the pressure to be perfect,

Chin    to be a smooth talker who has all the answers,

Collar bone    I’m going to pinch myself out of that trap.

Under the arm    And remember that I am striving for progress not perfection.

Top of the head    I choose to feel calm and confident being me.

Module 6: Bonus

EFT troubleshooting guide

Good luck!

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